Daughters Reshaping the World (Part 2): Shifting Gender Beliefs

The first question served as a window into how parents perceive their relationships with their daughters. It prompted parents to reflect not only on their evolving bonds but also on how their daughters have challenged and enriched their worldviews. This discussion sets the stage for deeper explorations: How do daughters shape their parents’ views on gender roles, personal growth, and the world at large? This naturally led us to our next question

"What is One Belief or Assumption You Had About Gender Roles That Changed While Raising Your Daughter(s)?"

Parenting daughters prompted many to confront and unlearn traditional gender norms. Some respondents described how their views changed over time, while others shared moments that reshaped their understanding in an instant. Some shifts happened suddenly—triggered by a moment of insight. Most changes unfolded gradually, through repeated conversations, observations, or even disagreements. Whether through quiet reflection or spirited debate, these transformations revealed how daughters often served as catalysts for questioning the norms their parents had inherited.

For many, one of the first beliefs to be challenged was the assumption that daughters are inherently vulnerable and require constant protection. Parents like Anitha and Ambika shared how they once believed daughters “must stay near to me” or “have to be protected and never left unattended through their growing years.” Gradually, they recognized their daughters’ strength and autonomy. Sudha echoed this sentiment: “I was a bit protective of my daughter, I think—more than my mother was with me! That changed over the years.”

Others described how witnessing their daughters’ self-assurance transformed these early fears. Sunil Verma once believed daughters would always need support and guidance: “I believed that daughters would always need support and guidance.” In contrast, Sunita Aroon came to admire her daughter’s independence: “[Her] independence in making professional and personal choices” became something she respected deeply. 

Swapna B. Nair also reflected on her transformation, explaining that she initially thought daughters should be kept comfortable and safe. Over time, however, she saw that girls are not only resilient but also “stronger and more understanding than [I] expected.” For Sunil Elayidom, a key shift came in recognizing the value of stepping back and giving his daughter space to shape her own worldview. As he put it, “Not to impose my ideas [on] life” affirming his commitment to letting her define her own path.

Some parents acknowledged a shift in assumptions about the ease of parenting girls. Ayesha candidly admitted she once believed parenting daughters would be easier—‘Not at all!’ she now exclaims. Another parent echoed, “When raising children, [I believed] that girls are easier than boys—that is wrong!”

For others, raising daughters became a mirror for their own growth and healing. It offered a space to reclaim parts of themselves that had been silenced. Mini shared, “If I had the knowledge and courage that I have now, raising my daughters, I might have left and made a better life for them.”  Bridget reflected, “I was aware of how my anger was discouraged as a child, but having daughters has taught me how families and the larger society discourage expressions of anger in girls.”  Susan’s journey as a parent revealed that strength isn’t defined by professional achievement alone, while Kesang acknowledged that even a modern, educated woman may choose to be a stay-at-home mom—a choice that deserves respect.

Many parents found that raising daughters helped them unlearn long-held assumptions about gendered domestic roles. Several admitted they had internalized the idea that caretaking, nurturing, and cooking were naturally feminine responsibilities—or that women were inherently “soft, humble, and loving.” 

Bindu described her earlier mindset: “Kitchen [is] for someone only.” Vincy, too, spoke of her growing focus on “equality especially in opinions.” Sunita offered a powerful example that challenged such notions. When she was away, her husband seamlessly supported their daughter through her period—a moment that helped dissolve the belief that certain responsibilities are a mother’s alone. Lakshmi described the assumptions she had unconsciously carried into motherhood: “I assumed she’d like dance and music—like me. But she loves sports and adventure, just like her father.”

Several parents highlighted how raising daughters redefined their understanding of care, strength, and agency. Beatrice emphasized the need to raise girls who can take care of themselves and never feel trapped in harmful situations. Piush shared that she had unlearned the idea that care and nurturing are feminine traits. Sunita recounted how her husband easily stepped in to support their daughter through her period while she was away—a moment that helped dissolve the notion that certain roles are reserved for mothers.  

These changes in perception didn’t stop at home. For many, raising daughters opened their eyes to broader gendered expectations embedded in culture and society—especially assumptions about how girls should behave or what they could achieve. One parent admitted they had once believed “women are supposed to please men,” a view that gradually dissolved through their daughter’s independent choices and self-expression. Sangeetha shared how she used to believe that children “had to be always obedient,” but her daughter’s assertiveness led her to adopt a more democratic approach to parenting. Anand, too, reflected on how his assumptions were quietly reshaped: “Daughters can be playful and funny.” Parymal summed up his transformation: “Raising my daughters taught me that interests and abilities aren't determined by gender, and girls can thrive in any field.” Anurag echoed this sentiment, noting a realization that challenged another stereotype: “Girls are more competitive than boys,” he observed, after witnessing his daughter’s drive and determination over the years.  Anu reflected on how she had once equated gender solely with “female”. Meg observed that the level of exposure and openness her daughter experienced helped challenge gender bias and allowed for greater flexibility in how roles are defined. 

Fathers, in particular, described how their daughters inspired introspection about their own biases. Ramachandran spoke of confronting “my chauvinist tendencies and gender-based stereotyping.” Sreenath wrote, “Of course, they helped me to come out of my patriarchal privileged cocoon to see the world more openly and equally.” Niranjan emphasized, “Encourage them to do everything without classifying work based on gender.” Gurumurthy shared a valuable perspective: “That caring is equally a male responsibility and privilege.” Promod expressed deep respect for his daughter’s growth: “Today, I don’t just see her as my daughter but as a person whose opinions and insights I deeply respect. My belief in her abilities has only grown stronger over the years, reaffirming that gender should never be a limitation to success or excellence.”

Some parents were especially struck by their daughters’ resistance to gendered expectations from an early age. One parent recalled, “Soon after learning to speak, I was taken aback by her referring to God as ‘she/her.’ Later in her growing years till now, I see her free of the inhibitions I was abided by as a girl and a young adult. I understood all those rules and stereotypes imposed on girls and women are in no way mandatory. They can find their way around life as it suits their own thought and identity.” Sherine shared, “As of traditional beliefs in my family too, certain household chores or responsibilities were inherently ‘female’ tasks. As my daughter grew, she showed me that capabilities and interests know no gender. If she's assigned to clean the table and plates, she would ask her brother to take everything to the kitchen and make him spend time with her while she works. There they would be sharing the memories, laughter… and I wondered about her ability to strengthen the bond. I'm sure that she would have inherited it from my mother-in-law. It has helped me become a more supportive and inclusive parent.” 

For many, these shifts were not just about how they saw their daughters—but about how they began to see gender itself in a more expansive, inclusive way. Watching their daughters grow led many parents to question long-held assumptions—not just about roles but about identity, agency, and fairness. Babita came to understand the importance of raising girls to be independent and bold enough to speak up for their rights. Kulirma realized the value of encouraging her daughter in activities traditionally dominated by boys, recognizing that boldness and confidence must be nurtured. Meena found herself becoming more conscious of the need to eliminate bias in everyday parenting, while Bimal learned to emphasize equal treatment from the earliest years.  

For Meera, teaching her daughter to reject gender-specific roles in relationships was an ongoing lesson: even in progressive partnerships, she warned, patriarchy can “manifest in subtle, often unnoticed ways.” Similarly, Kavya shared that her strongest belief was simply “to raise her as an equal in all aspects.” Bindiya captured a widely shared hope among parents: “Don’t raise them with the assumption that marriage is their prime concern. In any relationship, equality should be maintained.”

For some parents, the journey of raising daughters was shaped as much by generational shifts as by personal introspection. Gender roles had long been under scrutiny in their own lives, but witnessing their daughters grow up in a changing world deepened and expanded those reflections. Margaretta observed how perspectives on femininity and professionalism have evolved across generations. “In my early to mid-adulthood, many female peers feared that doing anything traditionally considered a ‘girl thing,’ like making cookies for an office Christmas party, would lead to being taken less seriously. My daughter and her friends embrace femininity with ease—baking, knitting—while still expecting professional respect. Perhaps the biggest generational difference is that women today understand that respect for quality work should be a given, not a bonus.” Amy shared how she carried the weight of her mother’s resigned worldview—“It’s a man’s world,” her mother often said—but she was determined to offer her daughter something different: “My life has been a balance between my mother’s interpretation and my wish for my daughter to forge her own way.”

In the end, whether by questioning inherited norms, affirming long-held values, or embracing their children’s evolving beliefs, raising daughters prompted many parents to revisit their understandings of gender. So we took the conversation one step further: What is a lesson your daughter taught you that changed your view?

Written by Janaky S. and edited by Parvathy Ramachandran based on the responses @ThinkHer

 

Part 3:Daughters Resharing the World (Part 3): The Lessons